you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
