She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
