we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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