I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
