Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
