I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
