if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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