I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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