mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
