I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
