she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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