just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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