I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
