I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I love you. Go after that dick
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