I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
