he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
