Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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