If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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