so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
