Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
