i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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