I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
