ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
