If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Randomize
