My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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