cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
