i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
