The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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