i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
