I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
