In the future we'll all be gay
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
