I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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