Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
