Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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