Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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