She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
