Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
