He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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