you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
