i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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