i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
