I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
