No stitches, just platelets and will power
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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