She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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