i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
