I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
