we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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