You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
