Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
