I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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