So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
