it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Randomize
