I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
