In the future we'll all be gay
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize