My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
