I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
