meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
